He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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