Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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