Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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