Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
