I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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