I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I checked into jail on foursquare
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
