really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Blood and glitter go together right?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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