And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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