curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize