I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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