she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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