Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize