my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
