Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
