allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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