seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
