He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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