last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
