my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
