Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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