we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
