Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I wish you could order shots online.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
