Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
This is my gift to your gina
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
