ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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