ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words...techno handjob
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.