After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
