he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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