So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
