I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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