please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
