I will die if light touches me.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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