He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
