never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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