Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
