So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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