guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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