do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
