I faked an abortion last night.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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