; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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