hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Houston, we have a squirter
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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