Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
