Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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