Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
