How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
