I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
