Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
