Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
