i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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