i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
