The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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