Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
