It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
