If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
