In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
