I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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