you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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