I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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