you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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