Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
