if you like me you must not know who I am
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
