WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
