sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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