Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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