I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
