watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
