ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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